[headpillow snarl] And of course, if I ask the bank to cancel and reissue my card, that will also cancel the payment for Tf3: Dark of the Moon, and that will cause endless problems with amazon.com...

Going to wait until I get the confirmation it's on its way and the payment has been called for before I contact the bank. Fingers crossed that should be this Wednesday.

On the plus side, Tf: The Movie arrived this am, so we'll watch that after dinner.

And here is the second instalment of the cracky Tf-inspired fic (first part is in the August 24th post, below. Search for SUDS.)

Chillin'...

For several weeks the new 'relationship' hummed along nicely. Poppy actually felt safer knowing that a person – of sorts – was in her flat full-time, and Shakespin ('Spin, as Poppy had decided to call him) seemed to be happy. At any rate, her clothes were leaving the machine absolutely spotlessly clean and, she was sure, brighter than they went in. Poppy assumed that he was fulfilling his role in life – washing clothes to the best of his ability – which surely meant he was happy, didn't it.
     There were a few surprises. Soon after he'd introduced himself 'Spin had asked, diffidently, if she'd mind leaving the TV on and the lounge door open for him during the day – turned out he had a distinct soft-spot for daytime soaps. Poppy had giggled to herself, thinking how appropriate that was. And apparently he still accessed the internet: he'd taken to giving her a run-down of the news every day when she arrived back from work and sat drinking the last coffee of the day at the kitchen table. She drew the line at him trying to give her dieting advice though.
     "But Poppy, you've put on a little weight, you know. I can tell from the thretch markth in your jeanth." It came out probably slightly whinier than he'd intended, and she frowned at him.
     "'Spin, I don't give you advice on how hard to wash my clothes, please don't try to tell me how to eat."
     The machine humphed.
     "I wath jutht trying to look out for you."
     She patted his top.
     "I know, and I do appreciate it, but honestly, I know what I'm doing when it comes to food."
     Even so, she found herself checking in the mirror that night, and yes, perhaps losing a couple of pounds might be a good idea. With summer coming up it might be nice to look OK in a bikini. Or shorts. She rewrote her shopping list, removing a couple of the higher calorific items and adding some fruit and salad veg...

"Poppy?"
     She hurriedly turned the key and opened the front door, frowning. 'Spin sounded... anxious.
     "Oh, thank goodneth you're home."
     "What's happened?"
     "It'th your refrigerator. It thtopped working jutht after you left thith morning..."
     She stepped into the kitchen and nearly slid in the large puddle of water covering half the floor.
     "Oh damn." Tiptoeing carefully over to the table she dropped her bags and reached for the towel hanging at the sink. "Bloody thing's not even that old."
     Shakespin was quivering. Poppy blinked. Had she left him switched on?
     But all the dials were in their off position and the mains switch was also, as usual, off – and thinking about it, how did he watch TV during the day if he had no power?
     She'd worry about that later, after sorting this mess out. At least there hadn't been much in the thing.
     "Will you have to get a new one? Becauthe I might be able to help."
     Poppy frowned up from the floor where she was wringing sodden towels into a large bucket.
     "You're a washing machine. How can you possibly help me get a new fridge?"
     "Wi-fi. I can hunt down all the betht bargainth for you in a nanothecond!"
     "You have wi-fi?"
     "Well yeth, we all do."
     There it was again, that worrying little 'we'.
     "How... how many of you are there?"
     "Not many." But it sounded a little cagey. Poppy sighed.
     "And how many is 'not many'?"
     "Um... don't really know for thertain..."
     "Are you all appliances?"
     "Nnno... not all of uth."
     Poppy rolled her eyes.
     "Y'know, if this is going to work, you're going to have to be a little more forthcoming."
     She could hear 'Spin hesitating, thinking that over. Literally hear him, little hums and whirrs from inside.
     "I thuppothe tho..."
     She waited, but he said nothing more.
     "Well?"
     'Spin sighed.
     "We're... you'd call us alienth."
     OK, not unbelievable, given she was talking to a sentient washing machine.
     "Uhuh. And?"
     "And we take the form of common local thingth to hide."
     "From the bad guys, yes, you already said."
     "From humanth too."
     Which made sense. Poppy finished mopping the floor and emptied the bucket into the sink. Then paused, going back over what the machine had said.
     "Hang on. You said you 'take the shape of things'. That means this isn't your original form?"
     "... no..."
     A little shiver of alarm went through her.
     "So what do you really look like?"
     A tense silence. Poppy tried to keep the tremor out of her voice.
     "Come on, let me see."
     "I can't."
     "Why not?"
     "Not allowed."
     "Not allowed? Why not?"
     "It'th the ruleth. We can only thtay here if we thtay hidden."
     "Seems a bit hard..."
     "The Prime inthithth. We mutht not endanger humanth."
     "And that would happen if we saw your true forms? And what's the Prime?"
     "Our leader. And it'th not our appearanth that'th dangerouth. If the bad guyth knew we were here, they might come too. And that would be bad for humanth."
     OK, that made sense. Though it left her a little worried.
     "So, by you staying here, I might be in danger?"
     "No no no no! I wouldn't allow you to be harmed."
     Which argued that he might be able to do something to protect her if he was discovered? A washing machine? She bit back a ripple of hysterical laughter. Then frowned. She had no idea what he would turn into. It could be something absolutely lethal for all she knew.
     Keeping him here was beginning to feel like not such a good idea.
     "Tho – do you want me to find you a refrigerator?"
     It effectively derailed her train of thought. She'd worry about the whole situation later. After all, everything seemed OK right now. And surely she'd have heard something about it if the world was in danger of imminent alien attack. Other than on conspiracy websites, anyway.
     "Oh, why not? See what you can do..."

Four days later Shakespin had found a fridge for just £49.99. And not just a fridge – a silver slimline fridge freezer that fitted perfectly into the space her old, small one had taken. The delivery guys had slotted it in smoothly, waved away her offer of a tip, and left in a hurry. Had she not been so pleased with the new appliance she might have wondered why.
     "Better go shopping. Need to fill it up. Be nice to eat proper food instead of carry-outs." Poppy grinned over her shoulder at the washing machine. "Thanks! I appreciate the help."
     "Oh, it'th no problem. I can do it any time you ever need anything elthe."
     "I might take you up on that." Poppy grabbed her shopping bag and waved in the machine's direction. "Be back in an hour or so. Is the TV on the right channel for you?"
     "Yeth, thank you."
     Behind her, as Poppy locked the door, the fridge door silently opened...

Laden down with bags (there had been a lot of special offers at the local supermarket ) Poppy fumbled in her pockets for her keys – then paused, frowning, ear pressing to the door. She could swear there were two voices speaking, louder and clearer than the muted jumble of sounds that had to be coming from the TV. As quietly as possible she unlocked the door and swung it open abruptly.
     "'Spin? Is there somebody in there?"
     "No, jutht me." But the mechanical voice sounded... a little too bright and casual.
     "Are you sure?"
     "Well, I can't very well let anyone elthe in, can I?" It sounded aggrieved, and Poppy eyed the machine warily. 'Spin sighed. "It wath the TV, Poppy. That'th all."
     Not entirely convinced but unable to do anything about it, she began putting the shopping away, smiling happily at the new fridge-freezer.
     "This really is a beauty. Perfect for me."
     "I'm tho glad."
     She flashed a grin over her shoulder.
     "My vacuum cleaner's getting on a bit too. I don't want one right away, but perhaps you could keep an eye out for me? Something decent, like a Dyson, but not too dear."
     "Of courthe! Anything elthe?"
     "Not right now, but I'll let you know."

She wandered through to the kitchen the following morning, yawning and stretching. Sunday, early summer, and the weather was brightly sunny outside. She flung open the window and set some coffee going, then turned to the fridge. And paused, frowning. There was something very slightly off about... something.
     "'Morning, Poppy. Thleep well?"
     She nodded absently at the washing machine, then shrugged. Whatever it was that wasn't quite right, it was so slight as to not be worth wondering about. If there'd been a problem, 'Spin would have let her know.
     She opened the fridge for a pot of yoghurt for breakfast – and frowned again. Surely she'd put the cheese on that side of the small holder on the inside of the door... Ah, it had probably shifted when she shoved the door shut a little harder than she needed to. She'd got into the bad habit of slamming the old one shut, or sometimes it didn't close properly: she'd have to stop that, the new one closed perfectly.
     She settled at the table, strawberry yoghurt in hand, mug of coffee steaming in front of her, and smiled. It was going to be a beautiful day...

© JAT Sept 2011

There will be more...

Labels: AAARRGGHH, fanfic, Transformers